I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
