Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
