I wish my penis had an off switch
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
