We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
