I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just google imaged poop.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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