Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
should my penis look like a turkey
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
