I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
