"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
