I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
