Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
