The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
