She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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