I think my vagina is haunted
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
