just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
