your room smells of hookers.
And success
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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