a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
