meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
