I wish i was in the wii world.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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