Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dear god my vagina.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
