i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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