I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
