how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
