I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
