While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
