When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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