Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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