i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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