First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
