Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
