is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
