i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
