i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
