Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
