This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i would punch a child for taco bell
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
