All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
