WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
