the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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