I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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