we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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