just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
