Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
