her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
