Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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