Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
