her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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