Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
