this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
