We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
