Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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