lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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