His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude. I can hear the air.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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