Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
