I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
