as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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