Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
